Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.

Psalm 68:5-6

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Memories We Can Hold

Esther turns 23 months old today. In one more month both of my babies will be 2! I used to roll my eyes when I heard an adult say... "Oh my goodness, where did the time go? You're growing up so fast." I would think they were being a bit dramatic. Of course kids grow up! But I find myself wondering the same thing as I have full conversations with Gavin that actually make sense and compare pictures of my first time meeting Esther with the most recent picture I received. My heart is torn in a way. I want Esther to come home so badly that I often times find myself wishing I could move time along a little quicker. But on the other hand I find myself wishing I could make time stand still... just for a little while. Just during those precious moments like when my little boy climbs up in my lap, lays his head on my shoulder and says "Mommy rock you". I sat there rocking him the other day wondering how much longer he would allow me to do this. Hoping, of course, that he would love to be rocked forever... knowing all too well this would not be the case. But the reality is I cannot move time along more quickly or make it stand still. I guess that is a good thing since I'm not sure which way to choose anyway. I've been trying to make a conscious effort to live for the moment. It's so hard not to think about how much of Esther's childhood we are missing. It's hard to know that we are missing all of her "firsts". Knowing that someone else is there instead of me. I am a picture fanatic... Gavin has tons of picture albums. I think I've taken pictures of every little move he has made in his first 2 years. He and I love to look at the albums together. He likes for me to tell him about "Baby Gavin". I don't want to forget any of those precious moments. Pictures are memories we can hold... amazing really! Anyway, I don't have all those pictures of Esther's first 2 years but more importantly we don't have the memories that go along with them. Although, focusing on the past or the future doesn't really seem to help at all. So living for the moment seems best for now. Enjoying my baby boy, treasuring our time together... tantrums and all. One day I'll wish he was 2 again... I think:) I know that Esther will come home in God's perfect timing and when she does we will start making precious memories and taking pictures... lots of them!!!

                               I wonder why it takes me so long to fold the laundry:)



On another note... I haven't been able to add anything to our adoption timeline since July because to our knowledge nothing has happened thus far. Our file still remains in IBESR (Haitian Social Services). We are waiting for the necessary signatures needed to approve our adoption. Once all the signatures are in place we will be able to travel to Haiti for court. We're praying that our file would move through IBESR quickly and that we would be granted a court date soon. Waiting and not knowing... so very hard!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

1 Year

Today marks 1 year since we started our adoption journey to bring Esther home. It's a bittersweet day. I know we're 1 year closer to having our baby girl in our arms. But the reality is that we still have so far to go. I'm praying that by some miracle Haitian adoptions begin to move forward at a quicker pace. I'm praying that God would find favor with Esther and choose to bring her home in a way that only He will receive the glory! That is my hope for today. I know He loves Esther. I know He cares for Esther. I know He is ever present as her Daddy. Believing these truths is what makes this process bearable.


For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 
Jeremiah 29:11

30 Days!!! 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Oh My Heart

Gavin & I spent the day at camp yesterday making jelly with Mimi & Granmum. So much fun! When Granmum arrived she handed Gavin 2 tootsie rolls. He held one out and said "this one for Gavin" and then put the other one on the table and said "this one for Esther". Oh my heart... it melted at that moment!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Sweet Baby Girl

Sweet Baby Girl,

I saw the sweetest picture of you tonight. Oh darling, how you're growing up so quickly! Much too quick for me to watch from so far away. I was so happy to see that you're walking now... at least that's how it looked. You seem so much taller than you were in July. I told Gavin he better start growing for you'll be caught up to him soon! But my heart was sad at the same time knowing that you've gone from being a little baby to a toddler without me. I love you so much! My heart aches as I sit here and gaze at your precious little face. I'm listening to your brother suck his thumb as he sleeps in the next room. Someday I will listen to 2 little mouths sucking their thumbs... but for tonight I just imagine I hear yours too. I pray that you are fast asleep dreaming of sunshine and butterflies. Mommy loves you with all her heart... always remember that!

Love you forever,

Mommy

35 days!!!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Created With Love

It's a wonderful feeling to know how much my family loves Esther. They simply cannot wait for her to come home! She is already such a special part of our family. This makes my heart smile:) I want to share some of the things Esther's grandparents have made for her. Oh how that little girl is loved!!!

                                              The adorable dresses 
                                        Mimi (my mom) made for Esther.







Granmum & Mimi made these yarn dolls for every child in the orphanage.  My mom's friend, Sue, made each doll a blanket & pillow. We took them with us to Haiti in March. Each child chose their very own. What a beautiful sight that was! These 2 were left behind for Esther and Gavin.   




                       My mom made these to go over each of their beds….
                                                    I just love them!





                       Grandad made this furniture and Granmum painted it.
                                                  It’s so special to me. 
                        My children are so blessed to have great grandparents
                                                  that love them so! 



                                                     I see many tea parties in our future:)





                          My mom made the mattress, blanket and pillow in the cradle for
                                 Esther’s baby doll. It matches Esther's blanket that she
                                                        also made for her crib.                                  



                                                 Mimi took the poem “Kisses in the Wind” 
                                           and made this beautiful piece to hang on her wall. 


                                               Each and every gift created with love...

2 Little Pumpkins

We went pumpkin picking this weekend... can't believe it's already that time of year! I couldn't help but wonder if we'd be picking 2 little pumpkins next year... 


37 days...

Friday, October 21, 2011

What it Means to Be Loved

When it comes to adoption people sure come up with some strange questions and comments. Someone asked me the other day why I was going to Haiti in December. To see my daughter of course! This person seemed rather shocked and replied with "You mean you're just going to visit?" Ummm.... yes! I thought to myself, "wouldn't you want to go see your baby as much as you could if she lived in another country?!?!" 
The conversation reminded me of a verse in the Mark Schultz song, "What it Means to Be Loved". The very first time I heard this song I was preparing to go to Haiti. I knew how hard it would be to leave Esther behind when it was time to come home. I wrestled with the idea of going... wondering if it was best for her.  This song brought me to tears as the following verse put into words just how my heart felt. 

"I wanna give her the worldI wanna hold her handI wanna be her mom for as long as I canand I wanna live every moment until that day comesI wanna show her what it means to be loved"
The story in this song is very different than our story, but the desire to show our daughter what it means to be loved is the same. This is my heart. For now I'm only blessed with a few days at a time to spend with Esther. Those days are always followed with a goodbye. My heart's desire is to make the most out of those precious moments. Praying God will somehow use me to show Esther what it means to be loved!
41 days...