So we wait...

Last year at this time we were in Haiti visiting our baby girl for the first time. Sometimes it seems hard to believe that a whole year has passed since the first time we held our princess in our arms. Other times it seems like an eternity as we still long for the day when we will finally bring her home!

I try not to think about what she may be doing at any given moment in the day. It's almost too much to bear... knowing that she is growing up and we're missing it. I think it is even more difficult as I spend nearly every waking moment with our 2 1/2 year old son. I could give you a list a mile long detailing every little milestone he has reached, every adorable thing he has done, every exasperating stage he has been through... I certainly haven't missed much! My parenting experience with Gavin has been a completely different experience than that with Esther. I've only spent a total of 3 weeks with my daugther and she is 2 years old. I don't know what her favorite color is. I don't know what makes her giggle or what her favorite game may be. I even have to guess at her shoe size! I long to be the one who wipes away her every tear, rocks her to sleep at night, the first smile she sees in the morning. I want to be her Mommy... not only holding her close to my heart but holding her in my arms as well. Esther was 12 months old when we first saw a photo of her precious face. She is now 27 months old. We have watched her grow up mostly through the occasional photo. Dear Lord, please hear our cry. Please bring our sweet darling home to her family that loves her dearly. Oh, how my heart desires for this prayer to be answered!

We are currently waiting for our file to be released from IBESR (Haitian Social Services) and sent to the president's desk for presidential dispensation (president's signature approving the adoption). We've been waiting for this to happen since July. We hope to get a court date shorty after receiving dispensation. We will then fly to Haiti to appear before the judge. At this point we hope to legally adopt Esther. After these steps are complete we will begin the process of aquiring a passport and visa for Esther so that we can legally bring her into the US. That all sounds simple enough but somehow it takes many many months to complete and is far more complicated than I could ever begin to explain. So we wait. I'd like to say we've become experts by now but that would be far from the truth. Sometimes we wait well and other times we just plain stink at it. I don't really know where I fall at this point today. Probably somewhere in the middle... I know we serve a faithful God. I remind myself of this on a daily basis, some days more than others.

Please continue to pray for Esther. Please pray that God would find favor with her and move her dossier through the system quickly. Please pray that our family will all be together one day soon! Thank you for lifting our sweet baby girl up to the Lord:)

My Tiny Valentine

                     Happy Valentine's Day Pretty Girl!!!

I love you with all of my heart. 

                                                                          
                                                                          Love,
                                                                                     Mommy  xoxoxoxoxo
  

Tell Me Why

Tell me why the stars do shine,
Tell me why the ivy twines,
Tell me why the skies are blue,
And I will tell you just why I love you.

Because God made the stars to shine,
Because God made the ivy twine,
Because God made the sky so blue,
Because God made you, that's why I love you.

I really think that dear God above
Created you just for me to love;
He picked you out from all the rest
Because he knew that I'd love you the best.

Some Beautiful, Some Very Very Sad

My mom traveled to Haiti with me last month to visit Esther. It was her first trip to Haiti. She wrote of her experience below...

The trip was good but such an emotional roller coaster. Some beautiful some very, very sad. 

Like being petrified in the Haitian airport as we arrived (misbehaving, Angela says).  No one there to meet us, two white girls... alone,  in a 5th world country, surrounded by a sea of Haitian men all grabbing our luggage (wanting to earn our tips).  No way to communicate, Haitian men leading us further and further away from the airport with our luggage in tow.  Fifteen minutes of thinking, “this is it...”  And then seeing pastor (who I’ve only met one time) and wanting to jump right up in his arms and kiss him.

Seeing a baby with a fungus growing all over the back of his head as I was going to bed and then waking up to the sweet, sweet sound of Mimos and the whole orphanage singing hymns in Haitian. 

Children begging for food and then after getting it immediately sharing it with the children standing next to them. 

Driving down the filthy narrow streets in Pastor’s truck, seeing starving dogs, wild goats,  pigs and chickens searching for food in piles of burning garbage and seeing small children playing in the same piles of trash with no adults in site.  Then arriving at the orphanage and seeing the small children run up to Pastor and seeing the love they have for him and he for them and how hard he has worked to get them off the streets and give them a safe place to grow and wait for their “forever homes”.

Young girls, squatting on the floor washing clothes out in tubs in a dark dingy hallway, day after day, hanging them on the rooftop, working harder than I ever dreamed of working......never ending and then seeing them all dressed in their Sunday clothes, hair fixed, smiles on their faces and worshipping their Lord.  (Jeremiah 31:25  I will refresh the weary and satisfy the heart.)

Women working in the primitive kitchen,  from morning to night, preparing food for 100 children.  Then watching several preteen boys coming home from school, going directly to the kitchen (without prompting) and giving these women a kiss on the cheek before going to change out of their school uniforms.

Children pushing and shoving one minute and then the next, sitting down to feed a younger child their mush. 

Standing on the rooftop of the orphanage looking to the right and seeing such poverty and devastation and then turning to the left and seeing the wonderful scenery of mountains, coconut trees and beauty. 

Walking the street to church, stepping over raw sewage and then walking into the church and seeing these people who walked through the same street and live there praising the Lord. 

Watching Esther love her Mama, kissing her and say "I love you" and then having to leave her in the dungeon, in the arms of another. 

So so many mixed emotions. I think the hardest part was......as we were leaving, sitting in the truck waiting for the others......a mom was sitting outside the orphanage with a little one (maybe 18 months old) on her lap. This baby was draped over her lap, like a wet noodle, not moving at all. The mom was braiding her precious child's hair. The babies hair was orange. Angela informed me that that meant the child was in the last stages of dying from being malnourished. I can't get this out of my mind, I just can't. Makes me cry every time I think of the love that Mom had for her baby and the only thing she could do for that baby was braid her hair. 

I am still processing this, still feeling many emotions.  Not sure if I will ever be able to “sort” them out.  The one thing I do know is, that I am not in control.  I am by nature a “fixer”, I always try to find a way to make everything better.  Not this time.  God is in control, He has a plan, He is a loving God.   His word says to call out to him to wait in expectation......that is what I shall do.

The trip was good but such an emotional roller coaster. Some beautiful some very, very sad.   


Bonnie Knight

Child of My Heart

May you be safe and sleep soundly through the night,
May you be safe as you wake to the morning's light.
May you feel my love from so far away,
May God comfort and protect you throughout each day.
I will pray for you my little one,
Until our time of waiting is done.
I will pray that the Lord keep you safe from harm,
Until the child of my heart becomes the child in my arms.

It was a lovely treat to see new pictures of our sweet baby girl this morning. Oh how I wish I could reach through that screen and give her a great big squeeze! Dear Jesus, please bring our baby home soon. We miss her so!

The Waiting Child

Today instead of asking for prayers for Esther and the other children that are currently in the adoption process, I'm going to ask for prayers for the many children at KKO that are still waiting to be chosen. I can only imagine how it must feel to that little boy as adoptive parents continue to visit their chosen children at the orphanage, but no one comes to see him. How lonely that little girl must feel as she listens to her friend speak of her new mama and papa in America. It's heartbreaking to even think about. My prayer is that God would place every child living at KKO into a loving family if it is His will. That would be a miracle... and it just so happens that my God is a God of miracles! I pray those chosen families will hear the call to adopt and act in obedience. I pray that all the glory would be given to King Jesus! Please pray for these children. Although they may feel forgotten, the truth is they are not. God knows each and every one of them. He loves each child and is concerned with every little detail of each one's life. I hope that each waiting child feels the sweet embrace of Jesus today and finds peace in His loving arms. When I read the poem below it reminded me of our first visit to KKO to meet Esther. A little girl came up to my husband and asked him to be her Papa. It was so incredibly awful to watch that scene play out. There were so many reasons why we couldn't adopt that little girl as well but to her it was simple... we didn't want her. I will never forget that moment or the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach everytime I replay it in my head.  It just shouldn't be.

"The Waiting Child"

I saw you meet your child today

You kissed your baby joyfully

And as you walked away with her

I played pretend you’d chosen me.

I’m happy for the baby, yet

Inside I’m aching miserably

I want to plead as you go by,

“Does no-one want a child of three?”

I saw you meet your child today

In love with her before you met

And as I watched you take her out

I knew it wasn’t my turn yet.

I recognized you from last year!

I knew I’d seen your face before!

But you came for a second babe.

Does no-one want a child of four?

I saw you meet your child today

But this time there was something new

A nurse came in and took my hand

And then she gave my hand to you.

Can this be true? I’m almost six!

And there are infants here you see?

But then you kissed me and I knew

The child you chose this time was me.

By: Debbie Bodie

Oh, if every child at KKO could add the last line of this poem to his / her own story... how wonderful that would be!!!

No Idea

I wish I could sit here today and write an awesome post about how we are heading to Haiti for our court date, how quickly the process is moving and so on and so forth. But I can't. I don't have any news at all about our adoption process. I get asked several times a week the famous question, "when are you going to bring Esther home?". I want more than anything to be able to answer that question but the truth is we have no idea. I think that is the worst part. Waiting is hard but having no idea how long we are going to wait is even harder. I'm a bit discouraged this week. I know that God has a perfect plan and that Esther will come home in His timing. I really do believe that. It is still so very hard to wait day after day knowing that there is absolutely nothing I can do to hurry the process along. So very hard is an understatement. There is nothing I can do to bring my baby girl home where she belongs. Waiting and praying. Seems like we're doing a lot of that around here lately. We knew it was going to be a long process before we began. We fully understood that with our minds and had accepted that in our hearts. Everything changed after we found out about our daughter, saw her picture, held her in our arms, spent a few weeks with her... our hearts were no longer ok with the length of the process. We were no longer just talking about adopting "a child" but we were now talking about bringing Esther home, our daughter whom we had bonded with, hugged, kissed, rocked to sleep. Our baby who we love more than words can describe. It's now a whole different story. My heart hurts every day. Please pray that our file will move through IBESR, the president will sign it and we will get a court date soon so that we can proceed with the remainder of the process. Thank you to those of you who lift our family up to the Lord. We are truly grateful for your prayers.