24 Hours

We will be on a plane heading to Haiti in 24 hours.... yikes! I have been super excited anticipating this day for the past 5 months but now I must admit I am also very nervous. I always seem to get this way shortly before leaving. I'll be so happy when both of my babies are finally in the same country. That way I won't have to keep saying "goodbye" to one or the other. That is the hardest part!

Esther's not old enough to anticipate our arrival so I have no idea how she will react. In the past she has come right to me and warmed up fairly quickly. I'm wondering if she will do the same this time. I wonder if she will remember me at all... somehow I doubt it after 5 months. That is a long time for a little one. I hope she still likes me!

Please pray for my mom and I to have a safe trip to Haiti and back. We appreciate all of your support and prayers. And thanks to all of you who are helping to look out for Dad, Dana & Gavin while we're gone! Hopefully they will all behave themselves:)

Sweet baby girl.... Mommy is coming!!!

24 hours!!!

Thanksgiving Memories

                                        I’m thinkin Gavin gets plenty of lovin! 

                What in the world is he going to do when he has to share the love???:)

Uncle Billy:)

Mimi:)

Papa:)

Granmum & Grandad:)

Great Grammy Schurman - 91 years old:)

                                                                          

Beautiful Thanksgiving Drive:)

                                                                        

                       Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever!
                                                                                  Psalm 107:1  

                                                                              6 days!!!                        

                                                        

  

10 Day Countdown

Sweet Baby Girl,

The 10 day countdown has officially begun!!! I simply cannot wait to hold you in my arms! It won't be long my dear child. It won't be long! There's so much to do before it's time to go. Gavin is sick with a terrible cough so I need to take him to the doctor to see about getting him better soon. Thanksgiving is just a few short days away! We will have a Thanksgiving dinner at Mimi & Papa's on Wednesday evening, one at Camp for lunch on Thursday and a dessert party at Aunt Missy's on Thursday evening. Lots to be thankful for this year!!!  Uncle Billy is coming home from law school tonight. Gavin is so very excited! We haven't seen him since August so I'm pretty sure everyone is anxious for his arrival:) We're having dinner at Mimi & Papa's tomorrow evening so we can hang out with him. You will love Uncle Billy too! We're decorating for Christmas on Friday. It's hard to believe it's already that time of year. I love Christmas!

                                            Uncle Billy and Gavin - Thanksgiving 2010

I hope you're home next year to join in on all the holiday fun:) It's a joyous time but this year feels a little different. The reality of knowing that you won't be home for the holidays is hard. Hard, for lack of a better descriptor. But it's oh so much more than that. There will be a stocking hung for you acting as yet another reminder that you are so far away. We miss you so baby girl, we miss you so! But we will celebrate all the holidays... Thanksgiving, our birthdays, Mimi's birthday, Christmas, New Year's and Papa's birthday in just 10 days.... and for that I am thankful! It will be a week of joyful celebration! I'm thankful for the precious days I will have with you so very soon. I am thankful for you. I am thankful that you have a place to lay your head at night, that you have food each day and clothes to wear. I'm thankful that you have someone to look after you when I cannot. But most of all I'm thankful that God is your Daddy and that He holds you close to Him always. I hope you feel His sweet embrace today:)

Mommy loves you with all her heart... always remember that!

Love you forever,

Mommy

Pretty in Pink

Sweet Baby Girl,

I was blessed to see your sweet face today. New pictures of you are treasured around here:) You're looking so pretty in pink. And walking all around! What a big girl you are getting to be. I've been trying to guess what size shoe you take and what size clothes I should bring. Every picture looks different. Sometimes you look big and other times you look so tiny. Guess I will just have to wait and find out for myself! Another Mommy took the pictures below for me when she visited KKO last week. She gave me the following update:

Angela, Esther is so tiny! U will see in the pics that come. She had pants on & they just kept sliding off her and she's walking with them around her ankles. I pulled them up. Everyone did. Finally they just were taken off! I remembered when she had just gotten there shortly before I visited and she wouldn't smile. And now!! She's so cute. Tiny little legs still but happy. :)

 We got a good laugh out of that picture! We need to buy you a belt:) You're still so adorable even with your pants down at your ankles. Sucking your thumb just the way your brother does. Amazing!

                                                                        Pretty in Pink:)

                                                        My Beautiful Brown Eyed Girl:)

I wish I could reach out and hold your sweet little self right now! Seeing these pictures of you makes Mommy miss you even more. I don't even know how that is possible. Mommy loves you with all her heart... always remember that!

Love you forever,

Mommy

16 days!!!

Story of My Life

I was singing Gavin a made up song tonight about all the things I was doing 12 hours ago, did all day long and somehow was still doing... like wiping noses, changing diapers, doing dishes, folding laundry, cooking meals, cleaning up toys, sweeping the floor, letting the dog out, fishing bouncy balls out from under the fridge in order to avoid a crisis situation, etc.... you know all the things a Mommy does a bajillion times a week and continues to do over and over again for who knows how long!?!? Dana and I were laughing about it as I sang and of course Gavin thought it was a hoot:) The song was funny but it was actually the story of my life... ya, I know... not that exciting or adventurous although apparently entertaining to my family! The mundane tasks of every day life as a Mommy... not thinking I could captivate an audience rambling on about that topic for long:) It may not be a glamorous life but it's my life. Although it is just plain exhausting some days, I simply wouldn't want it any other way. The house is quiet right now. Dana went to bible study and Gavin went to Mimi & Papa's to play. I am thoroughly enjoying the peace but am thankful for the reminder that the silence brings... the reminder of how much I really do love hearing little feet running up and down the hallway:)

17 days!!!

Mommy is Coming!!!

Mom & I went shopping this weekend to pick up the things we need for our trip to Haiti. 18 more days!!! This Mommy can hardly wait:)

Mom picked up some fun things to celebrate her birthday with... cupcakes, party hats, birthday napkins, etc... and of course there will be presents! Granmum & Grandad bought her a pop up toy. Gavin likes it so I have to keep reminding him that it's Esther's but she is letting him borrow it for a few days:) Mom & Dad bought her a ring stacker along with a bunch of other things... getting spoiled by Mimi & Papa already!!! My cousin is making her a couple bracelets. One to match her church dress and one to match her Christmas dress that Mom ordered for her... just can't wait to see them:) We bought her a pretty pink party dress to wear on her special day too. Oh what fun!!!

I was packing everything up, that we had bought yesterday, with my little helper. He was taking all the toys and putting them in piles. "this one for Gavin, this one for Esther and this one for Jean Me Me". He was dividing them up pretty evenly but every once in a while he would say "this one not for haiti... this one for gavin". Just in case I was possibly thinking of taking it:) He's 2 so naturally sharing is not his best quality. Packing up some toys for Esther and Jean Marie has been a great way to practice sharing! It's also a small way of making him a part of the process, which is really nice!

I'm getting both anxious and excited about leaving the country for a week. It's always a little overwhelming thinking about leaving Gavin for a long period of time. He's used to being with me 95% of the time so it is a bit of a struggle for both of us. But I know Daddy will take good care of him. Dana took the week off so they will most likely have a wonderful time together. He'll probably be pretty spoiled by the time I come home. They have already made plans with Papa (my dad) to go to "Donalds" (McDonalds) for supper one evening. He may be glad that I'm going to Haiti just so he can do that!

                                     It won't be long baby girl. Mommy is coming!!!

Bubbles

                               In just 3 weeks we'll be blowing bubbles together again!!!

You Gavin's Mommy

We have been talking to Gavin about Esther for almost a year now. He looks at photo albums with her pictures in it. He sees her in photos all over our walls. He has skyped with her several times and knows that we go to Haiti to visit her. He knows who she is and mentions her frequently in his daily conversations. I've talked to him several times about the fact that she is his sister and is going to come live with us one day. I've tried to explain the adoption concept to him but he really doesn't understand. Tonight was the first conversation I have had with him that I felt like he was really paying attention. He was definitely trying to make sense of what I was saying. He saw this picture of Esther in a photo album.

This was the conversation that followed...

G: Mama, Esther likes lollipops and I do too!
Me: Do you think you and Esther will eat lollipops together when she comes home?
G: Esther in Haiti Mama.
Me: I know, but she is going to come live with us at our house one day.
G: Where is Esther's Mommy?
Me: Right here, I am Esther's Mommy.
G: *giggling* No, Mama. That's my Mommy. (pointing to me)
Me: You're right, I am your Mommy and I am Esther's Mommy. I love both of you!
G: You Gavin's Mommy. (and he runs off to play)

I guess he had enough of that silly conversation. He acted like I was trying to joke around by saying that I was actually "Mommy" to someone other than him. Although he looked a bit worried when I repeated it for a second time. I think we're going to have a bit of adjusting to do in the near future:) What a hard concept to explain to a 2 year old! I would love to get inside that little mind to see what his thoughts are. I'd love to know how much he really understands. He probably thinks we're crazy! Maybe he's right:)

Laughter:)

23 days!!!

Forever Loved by Both of Us

It's hard to believe that Thanksgiving is just a few short weeks away! I've been thinking about how blessed I am to have family to gather with and share the blessings of our lives. I've also been thanking God for the blessing of our children. Being called "Mommy" is one of the greatest blessings of all!

Esther's birth mother has also been on my mind lately. I thank God for her. I love her even though we have never met. Our lives will forever be connected. We will always share the joy and pain, although in different ways, of being Mommy to beautiful Esther. Something I will never share with anyone else. I don't know much of anything about her, although I wish I did. The little that we do know we will keep to ourselves to share with Esther privately when the time is right. I am so thankful that she chose to give Esther the gift of life. I'm also thankful that she loved Esther so much that she chose to give her the gift of adoption in hopes that she would have a better life. I wonder if she knows what wonderful gifts she gave to her daughter. I wonder if she understands what an intricate roll she has played and will play in her daughter's life. I hope she knows that Esther will always be told that she has two Mommies. She will always know that she was loved first by her birth Mommy, second by me and forever loved by both of us! I hope someday I get the opportunity to embrace this lovely woman, either here on earth or in heaven. I desire to thank her for giving us the greatest blessing imaginable! The gift of our daughter. For that we will be forever grateful!!! 

            Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. 

                                                           Psalm 127:3

26 days!!!

Memories We Can Hold

Esther turns 23 months old today. In one more month both of my babies will be 2! I used to roll my eyes when I heard an adult say... "Oh my goodness, where did the time go? You're growing up so fast." I would think they were being a bit dramatic. Of course kids grow up! But I find myself wondering the same thing as I have full conversations with Gavin that actually make sense and compare pictures of my first time meeting Esther with the most recent picture I received. My heart is torn in a way. I want Esther to come home so badly that I often times find myself wishing I could move time along a little quicker. But on the other hand I find myself wishing I could make time stand still... just for a little while. Just during those precious moments like when my little boy climbs up in my lap, lays his head on my shoulder and says "Mommy rock you". I sat there rocking him the other day wondering how much longer he would allow me to do this. Hoping, of course, that he would love to be rocked forever... knowing all too well this would not be the case. But the reality is I cannot move time along more quickly or make it stand still. I guess that is a good thing since I'm not sure which way to choose anyway. I've been trying to make a conscious effort to live for the moment. It's so hard not to think about how much of Esther's childhood we are missing. It's hard to know that we are missing all of her "firsts". Knowing that someone else is there instead of me. I am a picture fanatic... Gavin has tons of picture albums. I think I've taken pictures of every little move he has made in his first 2 years. He and I love to look at the albums together. He likes for me to tell him about "Baby Gavin". I don't want to forget any of those precious moments. Pictures are memories we can hold... amazing really! Anyway, I don't have all those pictures of Esther's first 2 years but more importantly we don't have the memories that go along with them. Although, focusing on the past or the future doesn't really seem to help at all. So living for the moment seems best for now. Enjoying my baby boy, treasuring our time together... tantrums and all. One day I'll wish he was 2 again... I think:) I know that Esther will come home in God's perfect timing and when she does we will start making precious memories and taking pictures... lots of them!!!

                               I wonder why it takes me so long to fold the laundry:)

On another note... I haven't been able to add anything to our adoption timeline since July because to our knowledge nothing has happened thus far. Our file still remains in IBESR (Haitian Social Services). We are waiting for the necessary signatures needed to approve our adoption. Once all the signatures are in place we will be able to travel to Haiti for court. We're praying that our file would move through IBESR quickly and that we would be granted a court date soon. Waiting and not knowing... so very hard!

1 Year

Today marks 1 year since we started our adoption journey to bring Esther home. It's a bittersweet day. I know we're 1 year closer to having our baby girl in our arms. But the reality is that we still have so far to go. I'm praying that by some miracle Haitian adoptions begin to move forward at a quicker pace. I'm praying that God would find favor with Esther and choose to bring her home in a way that only He will receive the glory! That is my hope for today. I know He loves Esther. I know He cares for Esther. I know He is ever present as her Daddy. Believing these truths is what makes this process bearable.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

Jeremiah 29:11

30 Days!!!