Esther turns 23 months old today. In one more month both of my babies will be 2! I used to roll my eyes when I heard an adult say... "Oh my goodness, where did the time go? You're growing up so fast." I would think they were being a bit dramatic. Of course kids grow up! But I find myself wondering the same thing as I have full conversations with Gavin that actually make sense and compare pictures of my first time meeting Esther with the most recent picture I received. My heart is torn in a way. I want Esther to come home so badly that I often times find myself wishing I could move time along a little quicker. But on the other hand I find myself wishing I could make time stand still... just for a little while. Just during those precious moments like when my little boy climbs up in my lap, lays his head on my shoulder and says "Mommy rock you". I sat there rocking him the other day wondering how much longer he would allow me to do this. Hoping, of course, that he would love to be rocked forever... knowing all too well this would not be the case. But the reality is I cannot move time along more quickly or make it stand still. I guess that is a good thing since I'm not sure which way to choose anyway. I've been trying to make a conscious effort to live for the moment. It's so hard not to think about how much of Esther's childhood we are missing. It's hard to know that we are missing all of her "firsts". Knowing that someone else is there instead of me. I am a picture fanatic... Gavin has tons of picture albums. I think I've taken pictures of every little move he has made in his first 2 years. He and I love to look at the albums together. He likes for me to tell him about "Baby Gavin". I don't want to forget any of those precious moments. Pictures are memories we can hold... amazing really! Anyway, I don't have all those pictures of Esther's first 2 years but more importantly we don't have the memories that go along with them. Although, focusing on the past or the future doesn't really seem to help at all. So living for the moment seems best for now. Enjoying my baby boy, treasuring our time together... tantrums and all. One day I'll wish he was 2 again... I think:) I know that Esther will come home in God's perfect timing and when she does we will start making precious memories and taking pictures... lots of them!!!
On another note... I haven't been able to add anything to our adoption timeline since July because to our knowledge nothing has happened thus far. Our file still remains in IBESR (Haitian Social Services). We are waiting for the necessary signatures needed to approve our adoption. Once all the signatures are in place we will be able to travel to Haiti for court. We're praying that our file would move through IBESR quickly and that we would be granted a court date soon. Waiting and not knowing... so very hard!